Here's the paragraph they read:
A scientist wanted to know if water freezes
faster with or without sugar added. She
predicted that plain water would freeze faster than sugar water. To test her idea, she placed ten containers
of the same size into the freezer: five with 30 ml of plain water and five with
30 ml of sugar water. Every thirty minutes,
she opened the freezer and recorded her observations. According to her notes, four of the plain
water samples froze before any of the sugar samples did. So, she concluded: Plain water freezes
faster.
Most of them were able to tell me that an independent variable was the cause, but went on to say that the IV for this experiment was whether plain water or sugar water would freeze faster. Which is not a variable. It's the entire experiment. For the dependent variable (DV), or effect, they said it was "which water freezes faster." Which is, again, not a variable. It's, again, the entire experiment. Ask them the hypothesis (line 2), they've got it. Ask them the conclusion (line 6), they've got it. But analyzing a text for the fundamental building-blocks of the experiment? Identifying the cause and effect? Yikes.
Then, they had to look at this picture and make two observations about it: one quantitative and one qualitative.
Most of my students were able to easily make quantitative observations because their only options are to count or measure, and since there are no measurement markers in the picture, there's really just counting. But come qualitative, the temptation was too strong: "They're having fun." "They're at recess." "One of the girls is sad." "The people playing together are friends." Despite the fact that none of these things are actually visible in the picture (Smiles or frowns, sure, but happiness? Can you see happiness?), they noted them as observations.
To make matters worse, in class we've been making inferences about fossil images and supporting those inferences with observations of the image. Some students get it, and they've finished the project with time to spare. But many of my students have come to me clearly stuck on one side of the equation.
Inference: It is a turtle.
Observations that support my inference:
1. It's swimming.
2. It probably lives in a lake or ocean.
3. It is surrounded by fish, so it must eat them. Turtles eat fish.
They know that you can't see swimming, eating, or an ocean in the picture because it's a skeleton preserved in rock, and yet, they still make the conclusions and cite them as evidence. They back up conclusions with other conclusions. They think what they want to think; they don't see what's in front of them.
As a teacher, this is totally frustrating. It's literally right there. Stop inferring, already!
But as I was parking in front of my house today after work, considering what I would write on today's blog post, I had this empathy-building revelation:
ADULTS ARE NO BETTER THAN CHILDREN.
(Honestly, we're probably worse because we're adults, and we should've learned already.)
It's kind of amazing, really, that it took me so long to make the connection. A friend and I have spent the last two weeks completely focused on the new Barking Up the Wrong Tree email blasts that came out about mindfulness. We talk about "Lefty" constantly. We talk about the unfounded conclusions we keep coming to, and just how crazy it makes us feel.
In his August 28th post, Andrew Barker explains:
My grandmother didn't like the word "liar." She felt it was too harsh. She used to say people were "telling stories." And that's what the left side of your brain does. Constantly.
The right side of your brain sees things pretty concretely. But that guy to his left is always weaving tales to try and make sense of the information coming in. That's his job.
We need Lefty to give meaning to life. He interprets your experiences. If Lefty sees real patterns that others don't, people call you creative. But there's also a problem...
Lefty often screws up.
Barker goes on:
As the old saying goes, "The map is not the territory." Lefty doesn't have perfect information. And sometimes he's too clever for his own good. He's part of you -- and you are fallible. So sometimes this happens:
Right Brain: Everyone at the table is frowning. They're not laughing at our brilliant jokes.
Left Brain: Obviously, they hate us and are plotting our death.
Right Brain: Everyone at the table is frowning. They're not laughing at our brilliant jokes.
Left Brain: Obviously, they hate us and are plotting our death.
This is exactly what my students are doing with their observations. Their "lefty" is making up stories as soon as their eyes hit the picture, and while that can be a useful trait, they're ignoring their right brain and all the conflicting facts that lie therein. The turtle's not moving; how can it be swimming? It's a skeleton in a rock; how can it live anywhere?
The cause-effect relationship becomes hazy, too. I co-exist in space with plenty of creatures on a daily basis that I don't eat. But because they've seen a turtle eat a fish before on TV, predictions become conclusions. Turtle skeletons eat whatever's next to them.
And that's bad science.
Barker calls the onslaught of these predictions in our daily lives "monkey brain." You know when that guy hasn't texted you back in twelve hours, and you're sitting in front of the TV staring at the Food Network but all the couture cakes in the world can't keep you from the internal hum of "he's going to break up with me"? Or when that girl seems distracted a lot these days and you find yourself wasting your lunch break searching Google for "reasons why women seem distant"? That's monkey brain. It's the annoying voice in your head telling you unhelpful and often untrue stories. It's Lefty spinning bullshit into gold.
Not surprisingly, this leads to all sorts of breakdowns in relationships, in communication, in common sense. I broke up with many a guy in my mid-twenties because I let Lefty drive the bus. Today, this happened at recess:
Me: Oh my god, M--, don't do that! Do you want worms?!
Student: No.
Me: Then don't put dirt in your mouth!
Student: [shrugs]
Yes, it's terrifying that a ten year old still thinks eating dirt is a good idea. But think of all the stupid things you did or said or felt last year because Lefty led you there. We're not so different.
Unsurprisingly, the answer to the Lefty debacle is mindfulness, and the answer to bad science is paying better goddamn attention to what you're doing...which is basically mindfulness.
I've been attempting this recently: taking note of what I hear and feel to recenter myself when Lefty gets to be too much. My therapist tells me to watch the thoughts come in and go out as I breathe. Barker's research also recommends labeling the shit your "monkey brain" slings at you.
What if he's completely forgotten about me? -- Worrying
If she asked about it, I'd say... -- Thinking
The turtle is swimming. -- Inferring NOT OBSERVING!!!!!!
Perhaps the worst part is that institutions have their own version of Lefty, too. Look at politics and businesses and marketing and organizations. When they ignore facts or lose sight of the details of what they're doing or gloss over the cause-effect relationships they manage, things go awry. Bad science, bad management, bad outreach.
Take, for example, this letter I got in the mail today:
CATHOLIC OPINION RESEARCH SURVEY
A NATIONAL SURVEY OF 10,000,000 CATHOLICS CONCERNING THE ROLE OF RELIGION IN AMERICAN PUBLIC LIFE
Dear Rebekah,
This is likely the largest survey of Catholic voter opinion ever conducted. ...We expect this survey of 10,000,000 Catholics to receive wide media coverage and the results to be studied carefully by America's elected officials. The purpose of this survey is to...
(1) Send a strong and clear message to politicians in Washington that America's Catholics are dismayed at how our own government has been waging an all-out war on the traditional, moral, and religious values that made America great; and
(2) Help CatholicVote identify and mobilize millions of Catholics to make their views known in the all-important Elections on November 8th so we can end our government's assault on America's religious and moral traditions.
IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION SECTION
(1) I am enclosing my $10 Survey Processing Contribution to help you pay for the tabulation, processing, and distribution of the results...
(2) Please include my survey answers in the overall tabulated survey...
(3) I am also enclosing an additional gift (above and beyond $10) to help CatholicVote educate, register, and turnout millions of new conservative Catholic voters...
[deep breath]
It's not just that it flies in the face of what I think Jesus taught and how that translates into governmental policies. It straight-up spits in the eye of what it means to survey. And somehow that pisses me off more. I thought we could all at least agree that a survey was a measurement tool meant to collect data, not a cloaked instrument of political indoctrination.
And I was really excited when I first got the letter! I tore open the envelope thinking, Finally, Catholic organizations want to know what we really think!
But I'd been duped.
It was just brainwashing paraphernalia from the Trump campaign.
Rich bullshit from a true monkey brain.
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