Guest Post: "Before & After" (Mick Stein)

I’m a 54 year old divorced man.  I still live in the small Louisiana town where I grew up, but other than that, a lot has changed in my life--especially in the last 8 years.  I’ve started playing volleyball and hanging with people 25 years my junior.  I’ve lost more than 50 pounds and transformed my body.  I’ve stopped drinking.

Rebekah and I met along Bayou St. John in the summer of 2012.  I’d been thinking of taking up volleyball after a 20-plus year layoff and finally mustered the courage to go out to the bayou and play.  The tournament format was blind draw, and she and I were partners…we both really sucked that day, and after my long layoff from the game, I found some solace in the that fact that my partner played almost as badly as I did.  I kept attending, and lo and behold – this fall she and I were part of a four person co-ed team that competed in the Fall Fudpucker tournament in Ft. Walton Beach.  Now neither of us suck at volleyball!!!

Rebekah did not invite me to blog here because of my volleyball prowess, though… Over the last three years we have become really close friends, as are many of the people I’ve played with along the Bayou.  She was one of the first members of my volleyball “team” that I shared my unique story with…and she has been a constant source of inspiration and encouragement as I try to make sense of this life of mine.

So what’s so unique about my story?

On December 15, 2006 I left my office building in downtown NOLA and stopped to celebrate the end of what was a very long work week…

I’ve been writing about my life and the choice I made that night almost monthly since November 2007.  When I asked friends and family for suggestions for this post, the best was from an old college friend, Joe Zim.  Here it is verbatim:

Mick,

I hope you are well...

As for the blog, and my $.02 worth, generally speaking, for most audiences, I think your story would hands-down be that of your sobriety, and the tragic event that led to it!

Now if the blog is for beach volleyball players, then perhaps playing volleyball in your 50s would be your story...or if it is directed at a fitness and weight loss audience, then you can talk about your dropping the weight experience...or if it is about family life and Baby Boomers, then talk about your experience of being a caregiver for your parents, and the love/respect/appreciation that you have for their great generation and their loving impact on your life.

But if you are looking to get a reaction...to get the attention of the readers...shock factor (which can be really attention grasping), then go with the story that changed your life forever:

I drank, and I drove. I caused an accident, and an innocent person died because of it. I got a DUI, and I was convicted. I spent every other weekend in jail for a year, and wore an ankle bracelet for 5 years. My freedom was, for all intents and purposes taken from me. But I lived, and the other guy didn't. I must live with that for the rest of my life. I have not had a drink since that night...and I have vowed to never have another drink. I don't need alcohol. My family, my friends, and my faith got me through it...but I still must live with the fact that my actions caused another person's death. And my message to others is "Don't be a knucklehead (or a dumb-ass, or an inconsiderate bastard, or whatever), and don't drink and drive!"

Good luck. You rock.

Peace,

Joe Zim

So there it is…I CHOSE TO DRIVE DRUNK AND ANOTHER MAN DIED BECAUSE OF THAT CHOICE.  It’s been almost 9 years and it still feels like yesterday.  Most of the people who knew me BEFORE that day would have described me as pessimistic or negative – and they’d be spot on.

That’s exactly what I was.  I was decent and had many friends who would say I was nice – but that wasn’t what I saw in the mirror then.  I didn’t think I was worthy or deserving of all the things I really wanted out of life.

But God works His magic in mysterious ways… Before the accident I had a really bad self-image.  Then I committed the single worst mistake imaginable – I took someone else’s life.

Somehow God allowed me to navigate through the guilt and despair and emerge from the other side – A BETTER MAN.  In the ten months I had to wait for the legal and civil proceedings to play out – I turned it over to God.  I knew there was no way I would survive if it was left up to ME.  I was raised a Christian and taught that Jesus was crucified so that my sins would be forgiven.  If God/Jesus could forgive me for my mistake, then it wouldn’t be okay for me to continue languishing in the guilt and despair.  I was able to forgive myself.  Then I began to see a different man in the mirror.

I still play the pessimist on occasion but it’s usually just for laughs. NOW I’M POSITIVE.

Whenever I feel myself slipping back into my old way of thinking – I recall that night and how lucky I was to survive, and I know the worst thing I could do is waste a second of my time feeling sorry for myself.

So what’s the moral of this story…

Of course #1 is STOP BEING STUPID – DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE.  That goes without saying – right?

But I think there’s more to my story…

So many of us waste so much time and energy focusing on what’s wrong – we never see all the good in us and our lives.  Stop analyzing your faults and wrongs and FOCUS on what’s right!!!

THINK POSITIVE…LIVE POSITIVE!!

KEEP ROLLING!!!