I will preface this with the admission that I have not read the book whose name inspired this post, nor have I even watched the full presentation by its writer, Benjamin Zander. The short clips I have watched, however, have resonated with me. And I wanted to share with you.
Today at school, we had a full day of professional development. As usual, some of it was incredibly boring and pointless, and some of it hit home and altered my thinking. Zander's clips were in the latter of the groups (as was an activity where we made a clown out of torn paper, but that's another story for another time).
In the first clip (accidentally shown to us, but which I went back later and watched in full), Zander explains how there are two major modes of thinking when it comes to possibility. There are the downward-spiral thinkers, those that see possibility as something happened upon by chance. And there are those who expect possibility, for whom "possibility is the norm." The optimists and opportunists, if you will. He describes the difference with a story. Two men from a shoe company go to Africa. One comes back saying, "This is terrible; they don't wear shoes." The other comes back saying, "This is glorious! They don't wear any shoes!"
The second clip I watched (the one the presenter was trying to show) was about our ability to inspire possibility in others. Benjamin Zander is an orchestral conductor. He creates the possibility for amazing music, though he himself doesn't make a sound. He instead empowers those who do to make great music.
I was supposed to take these things and integrate them into my understanding of myself as a teacher, and I did. But I also thought about myself as a person, separate from teaching. Do I see possibility as something inherent and empowering?
The thing is, sometimes I'm not so sure that I do. If I think about my past romantic relationships, as an example, I generally assume that things are doomed from the start. Sure, I allow myself a small glimmer of hope at the start: wishing, wondering, imagining. But as I invest in a relationship, I find myself pushing away from hope and possibility. To put it plainly (and illogically), I don't want to jinx it. And I don't want to be hurt by it. Possibility does not guarantee a specific outcome. It is simply the opportunity for change. But when I think about a future with someone, I'm terrified that because I thought about it, it won't happen and I'll be hurt. On the other hand, self-preservation is lonely, and it hasn't served me well yet.
I'm trying not to be a "downward-spiral thinker" with B. Because he's great and I like him. And there's possibility.
He met my family on Monday. He was a little nervous about it (understandably), but he came to my mom's birthday dinner anyway. "My family's nice," I told him. "You don't have to worry." Normally when people come over, we're pretty tame, but everyone was firing on all cylinders that night, and he got a taste of real family dinners at my house. There was a lot of teasing. There were some bad puns. A few people almost spit out their food/drink. It was fun--by my standards--and he hasn't broken up with me yet, so the family insanity can't have put him off completely. Phew!
This afternoon, after the professional development sessions let out, I met with my financial advisor to sign a few documents. We started off discussing my insurance policies, and we ended up talking about how long I'll be at my current job. He ended the conversation with, "Well, if you ever end up leaving teaching, let me know, and I'll get you an interview." "I don't know if I'd be good at finance," I told him. "You're patient," he said. "You can learn everything else during training."
I didn't say it, but I'm not sure I'd like finance. I'm not sure that I would buy into it completely, and as such, I don't know that I'd do a great job. But I worry about that in teaching sometimes, too. There are strategies and trends that we're encouraged to implement that I have a hard time doing because I simply can't invest. If I don't believe in it, I have a hard time doing it.
Teaching has made me a little cynical. Maybe cynical's not the right word. Teaching (and age) has made me more careful with my time and effort. And it's made me snarky. Definitely snarky.
Luckily, the prescription for a suffering attitude is summer, and I'm extremely grateful that it's only two days away. There, at the finish line, waits a plane on the tarmac for me, whisking me away to a short but much-anticipated weekend with one of my best friends from college in Charleston. If this trip is anything like our past adventures, we will talk non-stop, drink and eat a lot, and mourn the moment where we have to leave again. She lives in Virginia. Why is Virginia so far away?
Despite my snark, I'm getting a bonus in June (Thank you, higher ups!). So maybe I'll make it to a few far away places, yet. The possibilities are endless.
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